Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Computer dating is fine, if you\'re a computer.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
Basically, I no longer work for anything but the sensation I have while working.
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
I\'m all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let\'s start with typewriters.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
I took a course in speed reading and was able to read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It\'s about Russia.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
The only way to combat criminals is by not voting for them.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Multitasking /adj./ 3 PCs and a chair with wheels !
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
I\'m not under the alkafluence of inkahol that some thinkle peep I am. It\'s just the drunker I sit here the longer I get.
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Not only is there no God, but you try getting a plumber at weekends.
Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Learning is what most adults will do for a living in the 21st century.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
Hi there, what\'s up you guys???
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called \'Ego\'.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT\'S relativity.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Heav\'n hath no rage like love to hatred turn\'d, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn\'d.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Being on the tightrope is living; everything else is waiting.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
All our knowledge merely helps us to die a more painful death than animals that know nothing.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
The competent programmer is fully aware of the limited size of his own skull. He therefore approaches his task with full humility, and avoids clever tricks like the plague.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
The de facto role of the US armed forces will be to keep the world safe for our economy and open to our cultural assault.
I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
I am not young enough to know everything.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
If women didn\'t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
It\'s strange, isn\'t it. You stand in the middle of a library and go \'aaaaagghhhh\' and everyone just stares at you. But you do the same thing on an aeroplane, and everyone joins in.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
Misunderstandings and neglect create more confusion in this world than trickery and malice. At any rate, the last two are certainly much less frequent.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: \'Can I help, sir?\' \'No thanks,\' says the blind bloke. \'Just looking.\'
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
Don\'t be so humble - you are not that great.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air — however slight — lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
Behind every great fortune there is a crime.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
Am I lightheaded because I\'m not dead or because I\'m still alive?
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
Fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
There are only two tragedies in life: one is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)
When I die I\'m going to leave my body to science fiction.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
There is no idea so simple and powerful that you can\'t get zillions of people to misunderstand it.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
What a cruel thing is war: to separate and destroy families and friends, and mar the purest joys and happiness God has granted us in this world; to fill our hearts with hatred instead of love for our neighbors, and to devastate the fair face of this beautiful world.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
One out of every three Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of two of your best friends. If they are OK, then it must be you.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
In this war – as in others – I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
Of all the enemies to public liberty, war is perhaps the most to be dreaded because it comprises and develops the germ of every other.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Hi there, what\'s up you guys???
Only a free and unrestrained press can effectively expose deception in government.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
No mention of God. They keep Him up their sleeves for as long as they can, vicars do. They know it puts people off.
Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
Your Highness, I have no need of this hypothesis.
Hi there, what\'s up you guys???
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There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
If you need more than five lines to prove something, then you are on the wrong track
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
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There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
One morning I shot a bear in my pajamas. How it got into my pajamas I\'ll never know.
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In ancient times they had no statistics so they had to fall back on lies.
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When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
About the use of language: it is impossible to sharpen a pencil with a blunt axe. It is equally vain to try to do it with ten blunt axes instead.
There\'s many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
There\'s no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
[War] might be avoidable were more emphasis placed on the training to social interest, less on the attainment of egotistical grandeur.
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Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
I don\'t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.
Fill what\'s empty, empty what\'s full, and scratch where it itches.
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
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A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Research is what I\'m doing when I don\'t know what I\'m doing.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
I don\'t approve of political jokes... I\'ve seen too many of them get elected.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
To sit alone with my conscience will be judgment enough for me.
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is not the reason we are doing it
Far too many development shops are run by fools who succeed despite their many failings.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear - kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor - with the cry of grave national emergency.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
Statistics is like a bikini. What they reveal is suggestive. What they conceal is vital.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
If the brain were so simple we could understand it, we would be so simple we couldn\'t.
What is morally wrong can never be advantageous, even when it enables you to make some gain that you believe to be to your advantage.
I never forget a face, but in your case I\'ll be glad to make an exception.
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
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Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
Beware of computer programmers that carry screwdrivers.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered; an adventure is an inconvenience rightly considered.
Once you\'ve written TBicycle, you never forget how.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
After every \'victory\' you have more enemies.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
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Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
There is a country in Europe where multiple-choice tests are illegal.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
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A man\'s only as old as the woman he feels.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
A state of war only serves as an excuse for domestic tyranny.
Everywhere I go I\'m asked if I think the university stifles writers. My opinion is that they don\'t stifle enough of them.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
One doesn\'t have a sense of humor. It has you.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Object-oriented programming is a style of programming designed to teach students about stacks.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
If all the world\'s managers were laid end to end, it would be an improvement.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
The perfect computer has been developed. You just feed in your problems and they never come out again.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
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I\'d stop eating chocolate, but I\'m no quitter.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
A lady came up to me on the street, pointed at my suede jacket and said, \'Don\'t you know a cow was murdered for that jacket?\' I said \'I didn\'t know there were any witnesses. Now I\'ll have to kill you too\'.
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There\'s also a negative side
The cry has been that when war is declared, all opposition should be hushed. A sentiment more unworthy of a free country could hardly be propagated.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
Momma always said life was like a box of chocolates. You never know what you\'re gonna get.
Why did God create dentists? -- In his infinite love, he thought it would be charitable to His creatures to let them see what Hell is like, during their lives.
Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers.
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds, and the pessimist fears this is true.
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
We have art to save ourselves from the truth.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
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I hear Glenn Hoddle has found God. That must have been one hell of a pass.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
A man can\'t be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
I\'m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Throughout American history, the government has said we\'re in an unprecedented crisis and that we must live without civil liberties until the crisis is over. It\'s a hoax.
We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Science is what people understand well enough to explain to a computer. All else is art.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Sterling\'s Corollary to Clarke\'s Law: Any sufficiently advanced garbage is indistinguishable from magic.
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
I wouldn\'t mind dying - it\'s the business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
The dangerous patriot ... is a defender of militarism and its ideals of war and glory.
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one\'s work is terribly important.
I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
I\'m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them.
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim.
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Ketchup left overnight on dinner plates has a longer half-life than radioactive waste.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
A model is done when nothing else can be taken out.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist — and better tools.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Wise men make proverbs, but fools repeat them.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Elegance is not a dispensable luxury but a factor that decides between success and failure.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
If a man does his best, what else is there?
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
Subtlety is the art of saying what you think and getting out of the way before it is understood.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn\'t over until everyone gets their cookies.
If you try and take a cat apart to see how it works, the first thing you have in your hands is a non-working cat.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
It was God who made me so beautiful. If I weren\'t, then I\'d be a teacher.
Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? They have the same enemy -- the mother.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
I have an existential map; it has \'you are here\' written all over it.
Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens
A doctor can bury his mistakes but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
Build a man a fire, and he\'ll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he\'ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.
Should array indices start at 0 or 1? My compromise of 0.5 was rejected without, I thought, proper consideration.
I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
I\'m fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Liberty and democracy become unholy when their hands are dyed red with innocent blood.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be deemed a scholar.
Real life is that big, high-res, high-color screen saver behind all the windows.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are conservatives
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
Paramount among the responsibilities of a free press is the duty to prevent any part of the government from deceiving the people.
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
In America, anybody can be president. That\'s one of the risks you take.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic needs.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
Attention to health is life\'s greatest hindrance.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
I was raised in the Jewish tradition, taught never to marry a Gentile woman, shave on a Saturday night and, most especially, never to shave a Gentile woman on a Saturday night.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
C makes it easy to shoot yourself in the foot; C++ makes it harder, but when you do, it blows away your whole leg.
Give me chastity and continence, but not yet.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that\'s how dogs spend their lives.
When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I\'ve never tried before.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
A printer consists of three main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light
Cholesterol is your natural defence against excessive circulation of blood, which can carry venoms, poisons and other toxins around your body.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
People who think they know everything greatly annoy those of us who do.
When I am working on a problem I never think about beauty. I only think about how to solve the problem. But when I have finished, if the solution is not beautiful, I know it is wrong.
I invented the term Object-Oriented, and I can tell you I did not have C++ in mind.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
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